Instagram the new Facebook?…

 (A typical faceache pic)

So I’ve not been on here for a while, I’m still having problems with my phone my network my children my council my landlord the list goes on and I feel like I’m knitting fog, but that’s life isn’t it these things are sent to test us, since I had the dude nearly 2 years ago I’ve been a wreck, I cry at everything I lose sleep worrying about the future, I’m very fragile, and the one thing that makes it, has been making it worse, is faceache, I think it was before brexit, but I just got fed up with seeing posts I’d shared previously suddenly going viral, and then the  awful videos of dying babies skinned dogs. Women being murdered the list is endless. it’s horrifying and obviously real it really frightens me, and of course I shouldn’t watch it. But human nature, morbid curiosity or general interest and worry, are some of the reasons I watch, but they all have made  me panicky and I’m finally getting it together so I do have options when the shit hits the fan, my friend shared a post about  2 million children being in poverty, and some troll piped up well the mothers  they should have got the finances in order or used contraception! I tried not to bite of course I did, I replied “you sir should have been swallowed, surprisingly that was that, another friend from my teenage years I found and hooked up with again on Faceache, lives in London shared property my generation,  I thought we shared the same beliefs,  a post was shared about this poor woman who had pulled up Jamie on his food on a budget, I’m with her, the point was she’d got cancer other factors, they were living hand to mouth, and my friend commented “go get a job!!” I sent him a message it wasn’t polite and I’m sure I blocked him, the thing is I’m not gonna block my friends for sharing certain things and a few of my friends have different opinions to me. And that’s fine, it would be a very dull world if we were all the same..the other thing I don’t like is people spying on me, friends of friends, ex’s, people I don’t want to see in my “you should be friends” or “people you know”whatever it is… so yeah I’m trying to leave but I still check in to get miserable and angry again and it continues….and that bloody secret message box that I didn’t know about has caused so many problems over the years.. I didn’t know it existed…so yeah had enough I think it will exist for local events community bits and birthdays, but I think it’s done. Sorry mark… or whoever owns it now.

(The magic of a filter)

Instagram on the other hand is snippets pictures and you can use filters to make yourself look better, rose tinted if you will, I’m all for that,  you choose what you want to see how you want to see it, and videos it’s all cleaner and you can see what’s what.. yeah I still get spam saying I can make millions and other such messages but I can live with that,  I only just discovered there’s an explore button and I browsed on this picture and it read,  I’m at my lowest ebb sometimes you have to reevaluate what’s important so I read on, thinking poor love what’s up…this woman was talking about decorating a nursery… really you poor thing what to do…this sort of thing irks me, these women married with perfect husbands, (they think) you will usually find these men in casinos massage parlours and they usually are shagging the au pair. So yes it all looks perfect, perfect kids, (they think) in perfect houses with perfect kitchens all immaculate, they must live on take out.. and they moan about how hard it is juggling it all, as they hand the baby to the au pair… yeah it must be awful….. so yeah I don’t follow any of those…. but I’m happy with Instagram… and maybe I’ll start blogging more seen as I’m not ranting on faceache… watch this space.. oh yeah my sons nursery is an alcove at the bottom of my bed!! He loves it, I also don’t have a husband/partner shock fecking horror..

 

Bad Apple….

So I’ve not blogged, taken any pictures received any mail, been able to get into messenger, as well as lots of other things, why, because I didn’t want to update my phone, I’d like to say it was fine before but it wasn’t, my storage was always full, even though I pay for more storage,  I have had an iPhone since the 4s I loved it, photos social media, but then they upgraded, the next year so did I, happy it was bigger, now I’ve always had contract phones as I’m piss poor, I got insurance on the first one, but when it stopped working I found outI had to pay an extra 100 squid, so I battled on taking it to back street phone shops to keep it going, which you are not allowed to do, obviously I started to use more apps main ones being GarageBand, and Spotify, so I’ve battled on spending fortunes on chargers headphones new screens, and got the 5s it was good for a few months but then again with the storage, so it was just being an arse Sunday working not working, it was my boy’s second birthday I took some photos and a video obviously was busy, when things had calmed down I went to look and it was all grey boxes! Nothing I’m heartbroken no amount of money can replace those pictures, him kissing his caterpillar cake, then stamping on it, the screams of glee when he saw his balloon, so I’m out, I can’t afford to get the latest, and I don’t want to, I’m going android, and when my teenage son asks why there’s no photos off his second birthday I’ll tell him that’s when Apple screwed up, and you’re not making things better with these upgrades,  I remember when magazines started having more adverts than content, and this is what you have done, it’s crap……

Flawed Fashion

So we all need an all in one, jumpsuit, catsuit a must have item this season, really?, I remember seeing someone in a mag at a festival a couple of years ago, more like a leotard catsuit dance Lycra type obviously they were glamping in the vip area, because it’s not logistically possible to use a porta loo wearing black bags, let alone a catsuit, I know this as it’s something I’ve had to do, after drinking the wrong tea, I drank the mushroom tea, after losing my tent my mind and my clothes, black bags were the only option, I wasn’t alone and after being naked to be at one with the Earth, we were given the black bags to hide our modesty, the other time was when I had my first huge wage, I decided to go and buy new clothes,  one of the purchases was an halterneck u.v orange catsuit, I was in a band at the time and I wore it one night, to earn the nickname tango! 20 years on luckily only one person still gives me grief, I only wore it the once, but I hate them, how are you suppose to get to the loo in time, maybe it’s just me that’s old, but if I’m out, there’s no time for faffing about undoing buttons or zippers or pulling things over or under,  I want to be dancing or drinking, or both doesn’t matter if you’re a skinny minny or a voluptuous sex bomb,it’s not a good look, obviously men love them, they like to see women dressed like they’ve been squeezed into a sausage skin, we forget men don’t see our love handles wobbly bits, possible flaws, well unless they’re American psyco types! The majority just see beautiful flesh/woman where as some women/haters will rip apart what another woman wears, I remember having a moan in the ladies just after I’d had the dude, my tummy had split and I was really fragile, there were these young scene girls all teeth lips/tits and tattoos, they’d already been discussing/bragging about the work they’d had done, they were 18/20? And the main one had a tattoo over her stomach and ribs, she’d smirked and said she’d never lose her figure when she had children, at the time I just smiled and possibly laughed out loud, because even if she was too posh to push, and she did have a sprog, the tattoo would look like a world map, the fake boobs would need redoing and her lips would look like a cats Arse! So yeah I thought, smile away you poor cow…….time will tell

Locked!

So it’s been a while, I was full of high hopes to blog every Sunday, but do you know what, I’m lucky if I can have a shower once a week let alone write a page! So to reatirate I’m 43 I have a 12 year old and a nearly 2 year old,  and between his and hers tantrums, its a miracle we get through the day, so the bude is like a T. rex, he’s not talking he growls and breathes like someone drawing their last breath quite horrifying, like someone having an asthma attack and as he’s doing that he flaps his arms about like he’s gonna take off,  he is never still he jumps flips he’s like an acrobat, frightens me to death, the bae now has her ladytime same time as me, which is pure hell, she’s actually taller bustier more hench than me! And when she’s on she’s nuts, And it’s like watching myself it’s also horrifying, I hate my temper and seeing madam do it, it’s heartbreaking, but of course I know nothing, who am I! So we’ve decided once a month she can stay with nan! Work wise I had a massive breakthrough I hooked up with another company it was all go, but then some Deleon, (that’s fuckwit) but I like Deleon! Showcased my idea and put a spanner in the works so I’m sort of in limbo, music wise I’m still no 1 in the Reverbnation Brighton charts which I’m well chuffed about, I’ve also been doing backing vocals on an exciting production,  it’s fricken awesome, narrators, illustrations amazing musicians so I’m really proud to be part of that, so bike locks! I’ve given my daughter my shopper gorgeous fold in half original shopper, mam had locked it to the stairs in the communal hallway and then called to say she was worried the lock was crap and it wasn’t safe, so I went and put another lock on it, same as the one on it and forgot about it, next day madam wants to go out, I’m running around trying to make the place look less like a vintage store/workshop and more like a home and of course she was as much help as a chocolate frying pan,  so I let her go, then she’s back, the keys stuck in lock I can’t do it! So when I go out she’s jammed the wrong key in wrong lock!  So I got my tools and of course I got it out it I snapped the key and cut my finger but I got it out, she was fitting by this time I can’t go out you can’t get lock off, but by sheer fluke hairpins and flat nose pliers I got the second lock off, and shut her up! Fast forward to today I wanted to take the bude to the beach but the buggy is always a problem and I had to go to quite a secluded part of beach because if he can see the road he’s basically in the sea, run for road, run for sea run for road and this goes on for hours, so I thought I know, I’ll take a bike lock and lock the buggy to rail and then carry him down and the twenty bags! Checked the key on the lock everything working all good, so we get down to the beach I’d picked him up from nursery and didn’t check his bag! Problem 1, no nappies, I thought we’ll wing it, shop across the road, I’d taken a picnic as well, it was heaving, There were lots of rocks hidden under the water but he loved it,  he was running in kicking the waves he had a ball, some students were sat behind us throwing pebbles and one hit me on the ankle really hurt, so I turned round and said that just hit me and if it hits my boy I’ll go apeshit! They stopped! So got all the food, drinks out he had a few nibbles rolled his sarnies in the sand and then ran off, I had to gather all food up in milliseconds and run after him, the seagulls are kamikaze if you leave food anything out they’ll have it, so he spent about an hour jumping over one groin to another, in the slugiest part of the sea same place over and over! I eventually dragged him away with the promise of an ice cream! Managed to get everything together and guide him back to the buggy, he even got on it no problem, I was so proud of myself, I’d wrapped him in a towel bottom half he had all snug warm clothes back on, went to unlock bike lock, it wouldn’t bloody shift! I tried different keys nothing, he was starting to stress out by now, so I had to phone supernan explain what happened asked her to fetch some bolt cutters and nappies! So ma and my daughter turned up I’d walked the bude and twenty bags round to the car park,  she gave me a hacksaw a pair of pliers, and some other type of bolty cutters , and about 10 keys so I’m prattling with keys then with pliers then with lock, a load of different men stopped to tell me it wouldn’t work, I wasn’t doing it right, not one of them offered to help. And just as my teeth were hurting from sawing the metal I tried the key one last time and it popped and I cheered and the European guy who’d been watching  (possibly filming)  cheered and I pushed the empty buggy, almost skipping, back round to the car park! So bike locks, I’m going to stick to padlock and chain!!!! That sea air really does get to you, the other thing is a word chicanery! I just thought I love that word this banker/politician was outing all the corruption and back handing going on and he used the word chicanery! So yeah it means the use of deception or subterfuge to achieve ones purpose! I may have done this about 30 years ago but yeah not up on deception or subterfuge! And on that note…..

Dodgy knees and ready made tea!

So it’s been 3 weeks since I posted, I really don’t know where the time goes, so 3 weeks ago, my daughters legs stopped working, and she’s been in a wheelchair since, my knee also stopped working, stupidly I kneeled on a Lego brick and something snapped, I went to the local hospital as its nearer than doctors and got seen by the nurse quickly, they said it was 4 hour wait, I didn’t mind as long as they sorted my knee, there was a poor girl very distressed, she laid on the metal chairs, she felt sick, I waved to the nurse as I couldn’t walk, and explained and was told they were fully aware, when I said to the girl they should let you lay down, she said they didn’t have rooms, and she was told not to lay on chairs! 2 hours in, I was in a lot of pain I’d seen people come and go, I’d got up to ask when I’d be seen, and fell, I couldn’t put any weight on my knee, so I crawled to the nurses station and waited and waited, eventually they got me some crutches, I spoke to 3 ladies who were disgusted about the poor girl on the seat, they had said the hospital and staff were disgusting, so I asked when I’d be seen, this arrogant little man flounced out and called my name and was literally running, I was struggling to keep up with him, he asked what was wrong and I said I’m in pain, he said you had oromorph, I replied yes at 6 this morning, so I’m trying to keep up, and he’s gone, I’m in shock by this time in tears by being dumped by the doc, so another guy, nurse I think asks if I’m okay I explain what happened, so he took me back to the doc, and he says “oh you forgot about you and smirks, by this time I’m pissed, I think I actually said are you for real, he smirked and said you need to cut down on the oramorph! I was muttering what he’d done, he quipped even your bags angry, so I politely said “I need to know your name” at this point he turned his badge and said “I don’t have to tell you” by this time I was actually worried, he’d said I didn’t need an x Ray but I assume he’d realised his bedside manner was non existent, so he huffily took me to x Ray, by this time I was sobbing and in agony, when we got to the desk he was still at me, I just kept smiling, the lady at the desk kept asking if I was alright, then he said do you want a picture of my badge, and was laughing, he left, I explained what had happened and she said he’s known for it, the rest of the staff were polite well mannered, I was having my knee x rayed  and he came in, i said oh you remember me know, he said he would wait for me, I explained again to the x Ray staff what had happened and said no way I’m going with him,  anyway he came in led me out, at no time through any of this did he say where we were going or what he was doing, we were in a corridor no one around, I’d said so there’s nothing wrong with me, and he just kept saying no fracture talk to your doctor, then he was right in my face almost spitting,” I know girls like you, you need to change your attitude,” luckily a lady opened a door, he muttered some thing and threw a card at me, she asked if I was okay and what was he saying, I was still in shock, but I said whatever he said it was threatening, I was in such a state I called my mum, she told me to complain, which I did but I’ve still not heard anything, totally disgusted, 

The other matter was a court matter that’s been hanging over me since December, needless to say it didn’t end well, and although I was told to appeal, I was just so relieved to get it over and done with, I can’t discuss it unfortunately, but I was so relieved, so much to get on with, but my body’s shut down, I’m desperately trying to stay awake, my head hurts even my toenails hurt, and of course bude wants to be out chasing cars, or cats, this week it’s been ready meals for tea, and a little bit of my soul is destroyed every time I take that wrapper off!  

 So I made a fish bake on Saturday night proper 2 hours it took and it was glorious, love a bit of comfort food, it’s two tone because the bae doesn’t like cheese! Unlike her brother! and then we made chic butterfly cakes with choc cheese cream frosting and m and m dust, nom,nom, they tasted a lot better than they look! 

  
So I’ve missed deadline to enter art in local gallery! My keyboard stopped working I’ve tried over and over, different keyboards, just won’t work so I can’t get to any of my work, my boiler keeps turning off and the pipes flooding underneath! It’s quite scary the pressure drops and I have to do it manually, which I’m sure I’m not supposed to! Nightmares, so yeah everything’s on hold till I get a keyboard working!! My life is just one hitch after another, oh yeah I’ve bust my finger, bude was playing with the laundry bin, which is wrought iron and wicker, I picked it up as its obviously dangerous, and my finger tip got trapped, God it hurt, I wanted to hurl; it’s bluish now, but he would have had a broken wrist if he’d have got it, so I threw it to the pile of not safe for a Tasmanian toddler! Like my vintage glass table, my wicker rocking chair, my carved Mexican dresser, my cream leather sofa, my free leaning baroque mirror, I’m sure I could go on, but bless him he’s adorable, he can open doors and turn taps on now, so now more than ever I need eyes in my ass!!  

 Awe how horrifying along with the nation, bae has been messing with faces, poor lil beggar! I will not be in any pics for a while as I have ruined my hair, I did a Bowie, or that guy from slade with the fringe or a yolandi! Now I could just about pull it off, but with the red I looked like a riddler! So I’ve dyed it choc brown! But it’s not it’s jet fricken black, I look like a right hard faced cow, it’s not very often I mess up my hair but when I do, I do it grandly!!  

 Meh!!!! 

Tidsoptimist

So much for my Sunday night post, late as always, I am a classic “Tidsoptimist”(n) a  person who is always late because they believe they have more time than they do, This is me, I start out with the best intentions, but that job that was gonna take an hour goes on into the wee hours, but I do a lot, more than most, I make all my meals in advance, my breads cakes biscuits, I make all my own clothing, bar pants and shoes, though I can do these, but I’m a lazy crafter, I want it done yesterday with little effort and even less mess/cost, and I am a single mum of 1 and 11, no dads at weekends, holidays, I meet so many women who say, yes I’m a single mum, but the kids see their dads constantly, weekend breaks, holidays breaks, and they have boyfriends who also take major care roles, so yes I’m a proper single mum!  I’m not bitter! so yes a productive weekend the Bae wanted a makeover in her room again! (She’s had so many, she takes it for granted that she can just change when she wants to, so she’d put her fairy blanket up on wall I’d got her fairy lights with a paisley design and also matching napkins to make bunting, pictures, anything just a cheap way to mix the pattern up, the cushions are canvas bags £1.25. so easy to turn into cushions, the throw is 6 silk scarfs I had, I updated the drawers with washi tape on the handles, sweet touch,

I’m so chuffed with was the floor, she’d previously had navy carpet on the floor, I took it up and laid the sticky back plastic, yep sticky back plastic, really pale beech colour, I chopped them into squares, laid them, so easy, then sharpied the plank effect on, she was over the moon, it cost me 6 pound for 6 rolls, I had a lot left I’ve stored under her bed as replacements for scuffs marks, I’ve done this before at my old place, so effective and so cheap, unfortunately when I was cleaning her floor I used my hands to sweep what I thought was dust, it was actually glass tiny tiny shards so my fingers and thumbs are cut to shreds so painful, but it was worth it, she’s not well at the minute so its cheered her up no end and the bude loves it as soon as she leaves for school he’s straight in there. its turned into a psychedelic Alice in wonderland room, I may stay in there tonight its so cosy……………

Boys, danger, dirt and noise

So my boy, we call him bude, is 17 months old, there are no males in our family, (his father dumped him for some new skirt, my father also dumped us for new skirt, oh and my eldest daughters father also chose new skirt!) skirt being younger models!, I digress, boys are hard, or should I say toddlers are hard, I’m 42 I suffer with Syringomyelia, fibromyalgia, arthritis, re active depression and post traumatic stress, oh and dyslexia mildest form, but I try and keep fit, I’m a young forty-something I hope, I have kept my conditions private for the most part, as I hate to be less able, but it is hard, taking the meds which have worst side affects then the ailment, keeping on top of everything when I have brain fog, forgetting which year it is, let alone date and day, and then the numbness and arthritis so my hands stop working my feet don’t work, and sometimes the drugs don’t work, I digress again! I want to go and play football with him, adventure playgrounds, all of it, any of it, and I can’t always do it, he is a firecracker, into everything, out of everything, balancing, climbing, but really impossible stupid things like balancing on a marble! or the biscuit tin, he’s so strong he can pick up hoovers, sewing machines, he has a thing for wheels and decks, and bins and loo brushes! he is never still, and my heart is twitching every time he does these dangerous things, I’m talking heart attack, but then after me telling him no, over and over, and him screaming throwing things, including himself around, he beams at me, flutters those eye lashes and my heart twitches again with love and pride, so I’m lucky I have my 11 year old to help with all the physical play, and there are mothers in worse positions than me, so I shouldn’t moan, when it gets really hard I have my ma and sister, and for boy advice one of my besties who has 3 sons, We’ve all had this gastro bug and he exploded from both ends then proceeded to rub his hands and sit in it!! this takes milli seconds! I’m sensitive at the best of times let alone the worst, but you just get on with it, I invested in a steamer, which I would be lost without.. I was re telling the days dirty events to my friend and she cackled and told me, wait till he’s painting with his crap on walls, (she loves to re tell this in front of the son in question, who is now a perfect gent, socialite, genius)  and we all cackle…so it does get better, and if I’m lucky he will turn into a wonderful young man, like yer young man above, I know he will……….

                

Me and Mine……..

So 5 years on I still haven’t managed to maintain start/finish a blog, I’ve had a few, and I can’t find them! so I’m starting again, what will I blog about? well take your pick, fashion, trends, politics, music, family whichever it is, I’m sure I will be moaning…

So I’m 43, I have an 11 year old daughter (going on 21) and a 1 year old boy (going on 4), both cutting back teeth!! I’ve been single since my son’s father, nearly 2 years ago, neither of my children see the fathers, because I’m crazy,  I live in a little seaside town and there’s never a dull moment, I am trying to start my own company/brand, I am self employed my background is music fashion vintage clothing, floristry and print and design in that order! with a few scrubbing of loo’s and waiting on tables and bars in the early days, even tatie picking! I’m a grafter, but I’m creative, my fave phrases include “its like knitting fog” “you cunt rite it” I’m a Yorkshire lass so that’s not swearing, that’s how we talk! so yes the dude is in nursery twice a week, so I can get back on top of things, only problem is every time he goes he catches something, bug, rash, I’d dropped him off in the morning, so I could sort the mess out as it’s been a creative hub all weekend, they called me a few hours later he’s got Chicken Pox, (He didn’t last night when he had his bath!) I’d rather he have it sooner rather than later,

So I did a Vintage Fair at the weekend it was all last minute, I’d worked solid for 4 nights making berets, hair pieces, rings lots of unusual bits, my best seller being the crowns I made, so set up was 9.00 open at 11.00, busy, tired, wired! mum came at 8.00 we got the rails and realized parts were missing, so no rails, when mum put key in ignition it jammed and wouldn’t budge anyway we faffed, oiled it, we got to the venue at 10.58!! because they thought I wasn’t coming they’d all spread out, no space for me, I should have left then! but there was a space at the front of the stage, now bearing in mind all the stalls are facing the stage I was facing everyone, next to a speaker at the bottom of the stairs, I was modelling one of the crowns, think grown up lil princess!!  and it was heaving, so I tried to get stock out, on a table, mum went to buy rails, one of the band members helped her put it up, I put clothes on the rail and it snapped I fell arse over tit put my back out, and just sat on the floor crying in my wonky glitter crown…….I think people thought I was doing a performance piece…it was so busy I couldn’t set up fully and I couldn’t get out, so the tears turned to laughter, it did slow down and I sold a few bits, it was lovely, the most popular being marbles!!! ( I forgot the crowns and the pricing gun the tickets and my mannequins) I was chatting to the ladies who bought the marbles they were saying how lovely it is that an item can take you right back, they were so happy, and that is one of the reasons why I love Vintage, I take my hat off to the stallholders who do this weekly with military precision, it really is hard work, but it was good to see what people are selling how other people set there stalls out, and it was an awesome venue, so if, (big if) I do decide to do it again, I will be prepared…

So yes managed to go into town and get carried away in the charity shop, I got so carried away, I couldn’t carry it so had a sneaky Guinness, and ordered a taxi from the pub, I think I need to get out more, this guy at the bar, asked if I needed help with my bits! I nearly choked, such a dirty mind, he obviously meant carrying my things to taxi!!!!