Locked!

So it’s been a while, I was full of high hopes to blog every Sunday, but do you know what, I’m lucky if I can have a shower once a week let alone write a page! So to reatirate I’m 43 I have a 12 year old and a nearly 2 year old,  and between his and hers tantrums, its a miracle we get through the day, so the bude is like a T. rex, he’s not talking he growls and breathes like someone drawing their last breath quite horrifying, like someone having an asthma attack and as he’s doing that he flaps his arms about like he’s gonna take off,  he is never still he jumps flips he’s like an acrobat, frightens me to death, the bae now has her ladytime same time as me, which is pure hell, she’s actually taller bustier more hench than me! And when she’s on she’s nuts, And it’s like watching myself it’s also horrifying, I hate my temper and seeing madam do it, it’s heartbreaking, but of course I know nothing, who am I! So we’ve decided once a month she can stay with nan! Work wise I had a massive breakthrough I hooked up with another company it was all go, but then some Deleon, (that’s fuckwit) but I like Deleon! Showcased my idea and put a spanner in the works so I’m sort of in limbo, music wise I’m still no 1 in the Reverbnation Brighton charts which I’m well chuffed about, I’ve also been doing backing vocals on an exciting production,  it’s fricken awesome, narrators, illustrations amazing musicians so I’m really proud to be part of that, so bike locks! I’ve given my daughter my shopper gorgeous fold in half original shopper, mam had locked it to the stairs in the communal hallway and then called to say she was worried the lock was crap and it wasn’t safe, so I went and put another lock on it, same as the one on it and forgot about it, next day madam wants to go out, I’m running around trying to make the place look less like a vintage store/workshop and more like a home and of course she was as much help as a chocolate frying pan,  so I let her go, then she’s back, the keys stuck in lock I can’t do it! So when I go out she’s jammed the wrong key in wrong lock!  So I got my tools and of course I got it out it I snapped the key and cut my finger but I got it out, she was fitting by this time I can’t go out you can’t get lock off, but by sheer fluke hairpins and flat nose pliers I got the second lock off, and shut her up! Fast forward to today I wanted to take the bude to the beach but the buggy is always a problem and I had to go to quite a secluded part of beach because if he can see the road he’s basically in the sea, run for road, run for sea run for road and this goes on for hours, so I thought I know, I’ll take a bike lock and lock the buggy to rail and then carry him down and the twenty bags! Checked the key on the lock everything working all good, so we get down to the beach I’d picked him up from nursery and didn’t check his bag! Problem 1, no nappies, I thought we’ll wing it, shop across the road, I’d taken a picnic as well, it was heaving, There were lots of rocks hidden under the water but he loved it,  he was running in kicking the waves he had a ball, some students were sat behind us throwing pebbles and one hit me on the ankle really hurt, so I turned round and said that just hit me and if it hits my boy I’ll go apeshit! They stopped! So got all the food, drinks out he had a few nibbles rolled his sarnies in the sand and then ran off, I had to gather all food up in milliseconds and run after him, the seagulls are kamikaze if you leave food anything out they’ll have it, so he spent about an hour jumping over one groin to another, in the slugiest part of the sea same place over and over! I eventually dragged him away with the promise of an ice cream! Managed to get everything together and guide him back to the buggy, he even got on it no problem, I was so proud of myself, I’d wrapped him in a towel bottom half he had all snug warm clothes back on, went to unlock bike lock, it wouldn’t bloody shift! I tried different keys nothing, he was starting to stress out by now, so I had to phone supernan explain what happened asked her to fetch some bolt cutters and nappies! So ma and my daughter turned up I’d walked the bude and twenty bags round to the car park,  she gave me a hacksaw a pair of pliers, and some other type of bolty cutters , and about 10 keys so I’m prattling with keys then with pliers then with lock, a load of different men stopped to tell me it wouldn’t work, I wasn’t doing it right, not one of them offered to help. And just as my teeth were hurting from sawing the metal I tried the key one last time and it popped and I cheered and the European guy who’d been watching  (possibly filming)  cheered and I pushed the empty buggy, almost skipping, back round to the car park! So bike locks, I’m going to stick to padlock and chain!!!! That sea air really does get to you, the other thing is a word chicanery! I just thought I love that word this banker/politician was outing all the corruption and back handing going on and he used the word chicanery! So yeah it means the use of deception or subterfuge to achieve ones purpose! I may have done this about 30 years ago but yeah not up on deception or subterfuge! And on that note…..